I recently read an article by Metrodad on how some 5 year old girls can be absolute meanies (such as ignoring other girls and making them feel left out) and I just could not believe it – not at 5 at least! Doesn’t it take some time for catty behaviour to develop and emerge?
But I was in the playground the other day and overhead a group of Class II (between 7-8 years old) girls talking. One of them in particular kept making fun of other people- she referred to one girl as pothead because “ it seems that girl talked rubbish and spent the whole day in the pot” – where do these girls pick up these things from? Then she went on to describe another girl “who acted like maid because she wanted to carry, feed and play with her younger brother instead of letting the maid do it” - I found this especially strange since I assume caring for your younger brother should be a natural thing to do? Or not something that only maids (as against moms) do?
This girl was quite mean to S as well. She was holding a ball which S wanted to play with, but she refused to give it to her and instead kept bouncing it around near her and teasing her. I wondered whether I should give her a piece of my mind but decided to just take S to another part of the park.
Thankfully all the girls are not like this though. There was another girl who was part of the same group who came upto me and asked what S name was. She then gave S her ball to play with. Another girl was looking after her younger sister and hit a boy who came and hit her younger sister- again very strange behaviour- why did that big boy go and hit the small girl (who would have been 2 years old max) and continue teasing her when she was crying? And there was no one around to correct him or stop him doing such stuff other than the elder sister who would have been younger than this boy. ..
Seems there is a lot of playground politics- groupism ,catty behaviour and general bullying …my main challenge thus far has been to ensure S is well fed and in good humour-but I guess the challenges only get bigger when they grow up. The hubby (and me of course) are quite keen that S should defend herself against bullies from a young age – the hubby of course thinks that we should bully her now so that she becomes tough, which is too radical in my view. The other day a girl who was 2 months younger poked her and S didn’t do anything about it- so I guess it would be sometime before she takes on the bullies.
Talking about playgrounds, spending time with S at the playground also gives me a chance to see how kids are at different stages- I was the youngest in my family and also among my close cousins; so have not seen anyone grow up a close quarters. In the playground there was this 3 year old girl who was quite sullen and sat on S’s cycle and refused to get up. After 10 mins I had to request her grandmom to help get her off the cycle since S was getting restless and we had exhausted the other play items in the park. The girl continued to be sulky with her grandmom. Sometime later I was playing with S in the grass area of the playground and this girl also came there- she was looking quite lonely so I included her – by carrying her on my shoulder after putting S down, by doing ring a ring a roses in a circle with her and S, playing ‘out’ etc and this girl was absolutely delighted and kept laughing- the same girl who was sulky ten minutes back completely transformed when she had someone to play with,. That got me thinking- its so important to have someone who cares for your child and can engage them actively…touchwood one of my maids is very good at playing with S and seems to care for her as well, but as far as possible, I should try to leave office in time to play with S at least 2-3 times a week and definitely every weekend.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Moving house, a very busy weekend
Last weekend we moved to a rented flat near my office. We decided to shift to a place close to my office so that I could cut down on all the travel time- it was taking ½ hour in the mornings and between 45 mins to an hour in the evenings to get back from home, and office has become so hectic that I cannot leave before 6:30-6:45 on average (others stay back till about 8 but I can’t and I’ve decided not to) and need to be in by 10 latest which meant that if I left home at 9:30 in the morning I could not get back before 7:30-7:45 on average and I was not comfortable leaving S alone with the maids for such a long period of time
So far I was lucky in either being allowed to work from home – till S was about 9 ½ months old and then when I got back to office full time my mom and mom-in-law took turns to come and look after S. Now S is 13 and a ½ months and I need to put in place a system where I am not dependent on grandparents- I know we can force them to come but they have already done so much, and it is not fair to ask them to give up their lifestyle and come- my father in law cannot manage alone for long since there is no help at my in-laws place, and as for my mom she is used to a lot of freedom, travel, relatives, functions etc at our family home. Anyway I am digressing; this post is about my shift and busy weekend. So sum it up we took a decision to move to a place near my office to cut down my travel time so I can spend more time at home with S, to enable me to make it home for lunch everyday, to have the flexibility to drop in home at anytime (which would keep the maids on their toes) and also for peace of mind that home is only 5 mins away and anytime I am needed I can get there quickly.
One of the other advantages of the new place is that it is a gated community- there are about 10-12 building blocks within the gated compound and there is a play area in the middle. So security is higher (the guards do not allow people to generally enter the compound) and S can also play in the play area everyday and make friends with the other children in the apartment complex. Sometime if I get late from work the maids can also take S down to the play area since it is within the compound and they don’t need to travel to get to it- in the earlier flat we had to drive or take an auto to reach the park and I was not comfortable letting the maids take S alone. Another advantage of staying in a large community is that there are many get togethers/celebrations for festivals- since we don’t have any family in the city we stay in, it would be nice for S to celebrate Diwali, Holi, Dusshera, Ganesha Visarjan along with others. I remember when I was growing up- initially we had stayed in a colony where there were many kids my age and we used to play every evening for 1-2 hours and during all functions we all used to celebrate together. We later shifted to a bigger flat and different colony where the kids were much older and I really missed the earlier times.
We are still retaining our current house (since we own it and have spent a lot of time and effort doing it up the way we like it) and the current plan is to stay in our new place during the week and move to the earlier house over the weekend- the best of both you may say. Most people say this would be unfeasible in the long term since it is a lot of effort to maintain two households- I do agree but my sense is that this is only a temporary solution. Either when S gets older and starts going to school then we will shift back to the earlier house (since the time she has alone with the maids at home would come down), or else we would become so comfortable with the gated community and accompanying benefits (play area, gym etc) that we may move here permanently and rent out our place. Lets see..
So last weekend was spent in shifting..the hubby was on a foreign trip the whole week and only landed up on Saturday so the bulk of the packing fell on my head. My mom helped in setting up the entire kitchen- from buying the containers to getting the provisions and putting them into the container. My job was to pack mine and S clothes and decide which of S things to move to the new place- cycle, sterilizer, mixie (for her food) etc etc. The packing did not take long- however we had not hired any tempo/ packer so it took three trips by car to get part of the stuff across on Saturday and another trip on Sunday. We also had to get the new house cleaned before we moved in with S which meant getting all the cleaning materials across there, unpacking those etc etc. Anyway most of the moving was done by Saturday and by Sunday morning the unpacking was done. I had a very bad cold over the weekend and we were quite uncomfortable the first few nights in the new house – it was very hot (no air conditioner), if we opened the windows there were mosquitoes and there was a lot of noise from the road at night. But it was my birthday on Sunday and I was determined to be cheerful. We went back to the old house on Sunday since there was some more stuff we had to pick up from there and the hubby was keen to spend weekends (including moving weekend) in the old house. One of my friends dropped in in the evening to wish me and we cut a cake (the hubby had ordered one after much pestering by me-I love cake and cards on my b’day!) to celebrate. At night we went back to the new place and went out for dinner (to Dakshin, one of my favourite restaurants) – though I was really tired what with the shifting and the traveling up and down and the heavy cold. But was glad we took the effort to go out for dinner- what’s a birthday without a celebration?
So far I was lucky in either being allowed to work from home – till S was about 9 ½ months old and then when I got back to office full time my mom and mom-in-law took turns to come and look after S. Now S is 13 and a ½ months and I need to put in place a system where I am not dependent on grandparents- I know we can force them to come but they have already done so much, and it is not fair to ask them to give up their lifestyle and come- my father in law cannot manage alone for long since there is no help at my in-laws place, and as for my mom she is used to a lot of freedom, travel, relatives, functions etc at our family home. Anyway I am digressing; this post is about my shift and busy weekend. So sum it up we took a decision to move to a place near my office to cut down my travel time so I can spend more time at home with S, to enable me to make it home for lunch everyday, to have the flexibility to drop in home at anytime (which would keep the maids on their toes) and also for peace of mind that home is only 5 mins away and anytime I am needed I can get there quickly.
One of the other advantages of the new place is that it is a gated community- there are about 10-12 building blocks within the gated compound and there is a play area in the middle. So security is higher (the guards do not allow people to generally enter the compound) and S can also play in the play area everyday and make friends with the other children in the apartment complex. Sometime if I get late from work the maids can also take S down to the play area since it is within the compound and they don’t need to travel to get to it- in the earlier flat we had to drive or take an auto to reach the park and I was not comfortable letting the maids take S alone. Another advantage of staying in a large community is that there are many get togethers/celebrations for festivals- since we don’t have any family in the city we stay in, it would be nice for S to celebrate Diwali, Holi, Dusshera, Ganesha Visarjan along with others. I remember when I was growing up- initially we had stayed in a colony where there were many kids my age and we used to play every evening for 1-2 hours and during all functions we all used to celebrate together. We later shifted to a bigger flat and different colony where the kids were much older and I really missed the earlier times.
We are still retaining our current house (since we own it and have spent a lot of time and effort doing it up the way we like it) and the current plan is to stay in our new place during the week and move to the earlier house over the weekend- the best of both you may say. Most people say this would be unfeasible in the long term since it is a lot of effort to maintain two households- I do agree but my sense is that this is only a temporary solution. Either when S gets older and starts going to school then we will shift back to the earlier house (since the time she has alone with the maids at home would come down), or else we would become so comfortable with the gated community and accompanying benefits (play area, gym etc) that we may move here permanently and rent out our place. Lets see..
So last weekend was spent in shifting..the hubby was on a foreign trip the whole week and only landed up on Saturday so the bulk of the packing fell on my head. My mom helped in setting up the entire kitchen- from buying the containers to getting the provisions and putting them into the container. My job was to pack mine and S clothes and decide which of S things to move to the new place- cycle, sterilizer, mixie (for her food) etc etc. The packing did not take long- however we had not hired any tempo/ packer so it took three trips by car to get part of the stuff across on Saturday and another trip on Sunday. We also had to get the new house cleaned before we moved in with S which meant getting all the cleaning materials across there, unpacking those etc etc. Anyway most of the moving was done by Saturday and by Sunday morning the unpacking was done. I had a very bad cold over the weekend and we were quite uncomfortable the first few nights in the new house – it was very hot (no air conditioner), if we opened the windows there were mosquitoes and there was a lot of noise from the road at night. But it was my birthday on Sunday and I was determined to be cheerful. We went back to the old house on Sunday since there was some more stuff we had to pick up from there and the hubby was keen to spend weekends (including moving weekend) in the old house. One of my friends dropped in in the evening to wish me and we cut a cake (the hubby had ordered one after much pestering by me-I love cake and cards on my b’day!) to celebrate. At night we went back to the new place and went out for dinner (to Dakshin, one of my favourite restaurants) – though I was really tired what with the shifting and the traveling up and down and the heavy cold. But was glad we took the effort to go out for dinner- what’s a birthday without a celebration?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
S turns 1
A long delayed post- S is nearly 13 months now and I haven’t written about her reaching the big 1 yet. Happy birthday my little sweetie, Gubbi, Kabbu, this year has been such fun- watching you grow from a small bundle (very active even then) to a walking, babbling, naughty girl. Next year I shall try to be less fussed about how much you are eating , drinking, whether you are spending enough time reading books and just enjoy being with you. Will try to take you to the park at least 4-5 times a week (nowadays office timings are really bad) and also take you on at least one long holiday when you can have Dada and Mamma all to yourself and not going office!
We celebrated S’s first birthday with a small dinner at home just for the immediate family. My parents had come down for S birthday and the hubby’s mom was anyway with us (she was helping look after S while I went back to full time work). I had ordered a sunflower shaped cake for her and her Ajji had made carrot kheer and vadas. S wore a black and white frock which her Maami (my brother’s wife) had sent for her and was happy since both her Dada and Mamma were back early from work. Her Bua (hubby’s sister) had sent a bouquet of beautiful pick carnations which S tried to keep on pulling.
After blowing the candles and cutting the cake we all tried to feed S the cake (it was butterscotch and very creamy)- but she didn’t like it much. She preferred the KitKat stuck on top of the cake and chomped merrily on it until I had to finally pull away the half eaten piece from her mouth. I had put up streamers and a hanging decoration (difficult to explain but looks like a hanging lamp) the previous night while S was asleep, and S was quite thrilled with it. The only tricky part happened when S tried to swallow the ring which her Ajji (hubby’s mom) had put for her (it was my hubby’s as a baby)- luckily she saw it in time.
On the Sunday after her birthday we had a birthday party for S at a restaurant close to our house. The party was in the afternoon and we had called about 10 children- between 1-4 years and about 35 adults- mainly friends since we don’t have many relatives in this city. Both Ajjis and by dad were also there. The restaurant had put up balloons in the hall and we had arranged a games organizer who came with a stereo system and lots of popular dance numbers which he played loudly!! The older kids enjoyed the games which included-
crawling under a stick which kept going lower and lower,
dancing to music and arranging into groups of number called by the organizer – we were there till the second last round,
a really cute game where mom/dad and child had to dance to music together and then get into positions called by the organizer as soon as possible (such as putting noses together, putting elbows together etc),
a version of musical chairs where one half (that sounds strange doesn’t it) of a couple was standing in a line and the other half was circling them and when the music stopped they had to get back to their partner fastest- the hubby was disqualified for trying to break the line and squeeze through to reach me,
a kind of treasure hunt where children had to find random objects called out by the organizer (such as a sock, a rupee coin) as fast as possible
a jumping game where kids have to jump as soon as the music stops and the first to jump wins a prize
We had told the organizer to ensure that all kids win at least one prize so there was blatant rigging by the organizer – if for eg one kid was leading all the rounds of a particular game but had won prizes before then in the last round the organizer would say whoever wins this round would win the game, But the kids didn’t mind and had lots of fun. I accidentally bumped into one boy while enthusiastically participating in a game he fell down and cried for the next 10 mins. I felt damn guilty and kept apologizing to the mother, but I think the boy was not hurt.
And what was S doing during the party- most of the time she was hugging a big blue balloon which we gave to her since she was staring wondrously at all the balloons hung up. She participated in all the games holding the balloon tightly in her arms. I tried to take it away a couple of time so that she could move around more freely, but she protested loudly each time I tried to take it away! The only time she let go of the balloon was while cutting the cake (I had ordered an aeroplane cake, aeroplanes are her favourite, she makes the take off motion with her hand, and points to them excitedly when she sees them from our balcony or in the park). I tried to make her interact with the other kids- there was one girl who was born on exactly the same day as her and her mom and I were quite curious to see how they would interact with each other. Well they both pretty much ignored each other and continued to do their own thing.
The party finished at three and S took a long nap after getting back home. I thought the party was nice as the kids seemed to have had fun and S also enjoyed playing with the balloon (the main highlight of the party for her). Looking forward to the years ahead..
We celebrated S’s first birthday with a small dinner at home just for the immediate family. My parents had come down for S birthday and the hubby’s mom was anyway with us (she was helping look after S while I went back to full time work). I had ordered a sunflower shaped cake for her and her Ajji had made carrot kheer and vadas. S wore a black and white frock which her Maami (my brother’s wife) had sent for her and was happy since both her Dada and Mamma were back early from work. Her Bua (hubby’s sister) had sent a bouquet of beautiful pick carnations which S tried to keep on pulling.
After blowing the candles and cutting the cake we all tried to feed S the cake (it was butterscotch and very creamy)- but she didn’t like it much. She preferred the KitKat stuck on top of the cake and chomped merrily on it until I had to finally pull away the half eaten piece from her mouth. I had put up streamers and a hanging decoration (difficult to explain but looks like a hanging lamp) the previous night while S was asleep, and S was quite thrilled with it. The only tricky part happened when S tried to swallow the ring which her Ajji (hubby’s mom) had put for her (it was my hubby’s as a baby)- luckily she saw it in time.
On the Sunday after her birthday we had a birthday party for S at a restaurant close to our house. The party was in the afternoon and we had called about 10 children- between 1-4 years and about 35 adults- mainly friends since we don’t have many relatives in this city. Both Ajjis and by dad were also there. The restaurant had put up balloons in the hall and we had arranged a games organizer who came with a stereo system and lots of popular dance numbers which he played loudly!! The older kids enjoyed the games which included-
crawling under a stick which kept going lower and lower,
dancing to music and arranging into groups of number called by the organizer – we were there till the second last round,
a really cute game where mom/dad and child had to dance to music together and then get into positions called by the organizer as soon as possible (such as putting noses together, putting elbows together etc),
a version of musical chairs where one half (that sounds strange doesn’t it) of a couple was standing in a line and the other half was circling them and when the music stopped they had to get back to their partner fastest- the hubby was disqualified for trying to break the line and squeeze through to reach me,
a kind of treasure hunt where children had to find random objects called out by the organizer (such as a sock, a rupee coin) as fast as possible
a jumping game where kids have to jump as soon as the music stops and the first to jump wins a prize
We had told the organizer to ensure that all kids win at least one prize so there was blatant rigging by the organizer – if for eg one kid was leading all the rounds of a particular game but had won prizes before then in the last round the organizer would say whoever wins this round would win the game, But the kids didn’t mind and had lots of fun. I accidentally bumped into one boy while enthusiastically participating in a game he fell down and cried for the next 10 mins. I felt damn guilty and kept apologizing to the mother, but I think the boy was not hurt.
And what was S doing during the party- most of the time she was hugging a big blue balloon which we gave to her since she was staring wondrously at all the balloons hung up. She participated in all the games holding the balloon tightly in her arms. I tried to take it away a couple of time so that she could move around more freely, but she protested loudly each time I tried to take it away! The only time she let go of the balloon was while cutting the cake (I had ordered an aeroplane cake, aeroplanes are her favourite, she makes the take off motion with her hand, and points to them excitedly when she sees them from our balcony or in the park). I tried to make her interact with the other kids- there was one girl who was born on exactly the same day as her and her mom and I were quite curious to see how they would interact with each other. Well they both pretty much ignored each other and continued to do their own thing.
The party finished at three and S took a long nap after getting back home. I thought the party was nice as the kids seemed to have had fun and S also enjoyed playing with the balloon (the main highlight of the party for her). Looking forward to the years ahead..
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