Three birthday parties

Its been too long since I last posted, but the last few weeks have been really crazy. The great news is that we are expecting our second baby and we are really excited about it. But the last few weeks have been tough as the first trimester was very difficult this time, with S I had no neausea and due to some complications was working from home for the first trimester. This time I’ve been full time at office, morning sickness, evening sickness, general feeling of nausea the whole day and tiredness at night. Office work has also been very hectic. Anyway this is not meant to be a cribby post and now that the first trimester is passed (touchwood) let me move on.

In the last month S has attended 3 birthday parties and her reaction in each of them has been so different.

The first party was of a boy from her school. We landed up on time (I’m quite a stickler for time) and found ourselves to be the only guests there - I guess others are not as much of sticklers as I am, but after half an hour I started feeling bad for the mom organizing the party since there were still no other guests and they had really spent a lot of effort and time in organizing the party – with a tattoo artist, games, magic show etc and had budgeted quite a few people landing up. Finally 3 others from S school landed up alongwith some children from the neighbourhood. After a couple of them got tattoos I finally managed to persuade S to get a tattoo done but halfway she started getting upset –guess the whole experience of a stranger painting on her arm got a bit much for her, so the elaborate design was hurriedly changed into a flower and I whisked S away to another part of the room. S pretty much clung to me for most of the party- I had to take part with her in all the games, and just when she started to become a little confident of the surroundings and moved away from me to dance to the music, they played a game in which they had to burst balloons. S is for some strange reason scared of balloons (considering that she spent most of her first birthday party hugging a blue balloon and refusing to let go of it, this is quite strange) – I think the maid scared her by waving a balloon up and down very fast when she was younger and that experience has just scared her off balloons. They played this game (which I found quite inappropriate when kids < 2 years are there) where you have to blow balloons and burst them by sitting on them. After a couple of balloons burst S got very very clingy and started looking quite scared. I took her to another room of the house where the hosts had kept their dog- the Labrador was quite friendly and S got over her fear by watching him run around the room and jump up and down. By the time we went back to the playroom it was cake cutting time and luckily the balloon bursting had stopped. The cake was quite unique- it was a number of brownie cup cakes arranged in the form of balloons on a board. The strings connecting the brownies were drawn on the board and the arrangement looked quite pretty and it was easy to just give a brownie to each kid. After that they had the magic show and S really enjoyed this. She kept watching the magician and even learned “Abracadabra”. Her mummy had to eat all the snacks they had given her while S stuffed herself only with chips and then asked for more! Then they had dance time which S enjoyed the most- she kept dancing around the place and watching other kids dancing. Overall I think S enjoyed meeting other kids, but found the games and balloons a bit intimidating. One thing I did not like about the party was that only four of us mothers from the class of 14 landed up- I heard the mom organizing the party ask a couple of times whether the others were coming- I think she had budgeted for more. If people are not planning to come they should at least have the decency to tell the parents that they are not coming so they can plan properly- and these people had put invites in the bags of all the kids and the father had actually given the cards to some of the parents when they missed out on the cards in the bag, so its not as if they did not know. I actually asked a couple of moms why they did not come on Monday and they all had other plans- really does not take much to inform the organizing mother that you are busy, and sorry cannot make it instead of just not landing up!

The second party was not as much of a birthday party for kids as a celebration of their kids second birthday with the couple’s friends. So there was no games, only the token cake and balloons (luckily did not involve any bursting). There were however quite a few children- surprisingly all the close colleagues of my husband have had daughters, so there were mainly girls there, from 5 years of age down to S who at 18 months was the youngest. The birthday girl was extremely possessive of her toys and would shout if anyone touched them- to be fair I guess nobody would like it if all their toys were attacked by a group of children, but in this case her mom was busy organizing the food and there was no one to mind her so she was happily whacking anyone who touched her toys. Poor S got one or two jabs until I pulled her away from the toy room and distracted her with something else. But the birthday girl ended up pushing the boy too far-he took about 3 or 4 of her whacks and then lost his cool and there erupted a big fight between the two of them with the parents having to physically pick up the children and separate them. S spent most of the evening either in the corner of the toy room with 2-3 toys which the birthday girl was not specifically fond of, or else firmly ensconced on her daddy’s lap munching away on chips.

The third party was again one of the hubby’s colleagues daughters. She is 5 years old and they had organized a party at the neighbourhood Pizza Hut. There was a games host alongwith a music DJ and the party was in full swing when we reached. At first S was a bit overawed with the music and with 10-15 girls jumping up and down to the music and playing musical chairs. But she soon got into the groove of things- they played a mother and child game where S won a prize for dancing most cutely- quite unfair really since her dancing comprises of swinging from side to side, and occasionally jumping when other kids jump, but who can resist a 18 month old on the dance floor? She was quite happy with the prize since it was in a brightly coloured paper and continued to cling to it while dancing on the floor. The next game was only for older kids but S was too happy on the dance floor to be asked to go off so they had to play their games around her. She got two or three bumps and shoves from the running children but was surprisingly ok- and this is someone who is scared of ants, balloons and mostly anything new! She even relaxed enough to get a tattoo done of a flower and kept pointing to it the whole day saying flower. Of course we completely spoilt her during the party by giving her potato wedges which we were having- sometimes I feel we are really indisciplined parents- since we eat so many snacks and chips even S has picked up this habit.

Sunshine after many rainy days

I love sunshine. Its not that I hate rains, but after 2-3 days of continuous rains I start feeling depressed and anxious for the sun to return. And today after 4 days of more or less non stop rain the sun is out. And I am happy. Another reason for my happiness is that S has (touchwood) recovered from her illness which had made her quite weak during the last few days. The first two days were really bad, she refused to eat or drink anything. She had a cold and we thought because she was even refusing milk, maybe she had a sore throat as well. Usually even when she’s sick she always has milk, but this time she refused milk, water even and of course food. I didn’t want to start antibiotics since that would only make her more weak and luckily she’s now recovered more or less and is back to her naughty tricks. The main thing which has taken a backseat is her school, no point in sending her when she’s unwell so its been a full week off for her, which means next Monday definetly to expect the waterworks!
My mom was here for the full week and that’s how I was able to manage work even though S was unwell. Otherwise I could not have thought of leaving her while she’s so sick with the maids. They are good, and take care of her, but I don’t feel they have the judgement of when to give her medicine, when to try and feed her something and when to just let her sleep. When it’s the normal routine they manage quite well, but this time I was on the phone with my mom every two hours for an update.
S has started saying No for everything. I asked her this morning whether she wants to go to school and its No. Whether she wants milk and its No. The only thing she doesn’t say No for is if she wants some chips. She hasn’t quite learnt Yes yet so usually silence greets the question on chips.
Plan to make full use of my mom being here to catch the latest Harry Potter movie without S in tow. Otherwise we have to take in the late night show with S on our lap, and nowadays S has started waking up in between the show and then refusing to go back to sleep so its tiring for all of us!

Addendum

A postscript to the earlier blog on S settling down at school... Today for the first time S did not cry when I dropped her off at school. When I left her at the entrance she started to screw up her face like she was about to cry, then suddenly decided against it and went inside quietly. I was speaking to another mum whose daughter is in the same playgroup, and has now been talking for a bit and tells her mom what they get upto in the playschool - It seems she told her mom that S does not cry any more and plays with books, and toys. Yippee!!
S has also started repeating most of what we say and some new additions to her vocabulary are auto, gas, other, man (also short for the name of her favourite cousin), pen, tight (for her shoes)- we need to be a lot more careful with our colourful vocabulary now! She recognizes animal sounds and links them to animals- sea lion (sounds like a loud yawn), dog (bow wow), cat (meaouw), pigeon (hmm hmm), parrot (cheep cheep), horse (this is the funniest- she rubs her fingers against her lips while doing brrrr). S is also becoming more communicative- she says “mum um” for food when she is hungry/thirsty and points at water/food, and says “baba” when feeling sleepy and then she’ll come and lie down on your lap. She has her dislikes and likes in clothes- she will go to the cupboard and point at what she wants to wear and insist on only wearing that. My sweetie you are growing up so fast …

Rainy day

That’s the title of S first interactive book. Its about a boy getting ready to go and play outside in the rain and S has to help him with his belt, zip on the raincoat, tie up the cap, button the sweater and so on. Its one of S favourite books. And now rainy days have started here…and S will soon be buttoning up her raincoat to get ready for school (lazy mommy has still not bought a raincoat for her though!)
Its been pouring continuously since morning and usually one of the advantages of such heavy rain is that you can take a day off from work saying it’ll take you too long to reach (traffic is really terrible during the monsoons) and by the time you reach you’d need to leave since many offices declare half day on days when the rain is very heavy as trains/buses run late/sometimes cancel services. Now since I’ve moved next door to my office I can’t make this excuse and have to drudge into office.
Schedule has been very hectic for the last few days and I’ve got a tummy upset which does not help matters. Mornings its rushed as S has to be ready for school by 9 which means a rushed milk and then breakfast and I need to be ready for office by the same time. Then drop off S at school at 9 and get into office. 10:45 pick up S and drop her home. Back to office. Then 1 pm again back home to give S her lunch (one of the maids had to rush off home on an emergency), grab a quick lunch and then back to office. Then again leave office at 6:15 to get back home, give S her soup, bath, take her to the park, then dinner and then finally rest for me! But I’m happy since S is settling down in school by and by. She cries when I drop her off but I believe she is ok after and when she comes out she seems happy- earlier she used to be sobbing. She brought home her first coloured picture the other day- it was a cut out of a girl and she had coloured the frock red. Am thrilled!
Getting back to rainy days, its so difficult to imagine hot tea, pakodas and a nice book which is what a rainy day should be all about while you are stuck behind your laptop at office. But remembering other rainy days this may not be as bad. My first experience of the monsoon in Mumbai was in 2000 when I first came to this city on my first job. We were staying in a chummery about 1 hour from the office and used to come by private bus. That day due to the rains it took close to 3 hours to reach office. Then I had to go for a meeting to town which took another 2 hours. The meeting lasted all of 30 mins and then it was the long journey back- we luckily had a car but there was so much traffic and flooding on the roads and we had to drop off various people on the way that I finally reached home around 10 p.m. And then I get to know that office had declared a half day around 12:30 and my flatmates had come back home in the afternoon and lounged around playing cards and eating pakodas!! So unfair!
Another rainy day which I’ll always remember is July 25th 2005, which was a terrible day for Mumbaikars. There was a cloud burst and extremely heavy rain in the afternoon coupled with high tide and by late evening the roads were completely flooded and traffic was standstill. I managed to leave office early that day around 5:30 and got a lift to about 1 km away from my place. I trekked through the waters home and reached home around 7:30. By then the telephone networks were down and I couldn’t get in touch with the hubby. Every half an hour I would try and get no network coverage. Finally around 2:30 I went to sleep. The hubby was driving non stop for 6 hours and reached home early morning. But he was lucky, some unfortunate people suffocated in their cars/drowned in the water which could have been easily avoided if the drainage system was more efficient.
This is the first monsoons that I am back at work full time after S was born. Am keeping a watchful eye on the rains, the housing complex we stay is low lying and easily gets flooded. I really don’t want a situation where S is stranded inside and I’m outside unable to get back into the complex.
On a separate note, the mountain drive is supposed to be very beautiful in the monsoon season and this year I’m quite keen to try it out over one weekend. Hopefully sometime soon!!

Settling down

Touchwood, S seems to be settling down slowly in school. First two days she cried non stop for 45 mins, the next day she cried for half an hour and then was quiet, then on the last day of the first week she cried for twenty minutes and then the teacher took her on her lap and she was okay for the rest of the time (never mind that she sat on the teachers lap throughout). Today morning I was tense again, after the weekend I thought she would be very unsettled in school. She cried as soon as I left her at the gate, but then settled down quite ok (we could not hear any crying for sometime). The center in charge came out after about 45 mins and said that S had settled down and was actually moving around looking at the toys. Then the wailing started and I could hear S cry- it seems she wanted to touch the music system and they would not let her and this led to a new burst of tears. But I think she settled down ok after that because when she came out (after a long 11/ hours) she was not crying and seemed ok.
Am keeping fingers crossed that she settles down this week in school (and the crying stops). I feel really guilty for sending her at such an early age, and was quite upset after hearing some other mothers comment that she is crying because she is so young- not because I take what they say to heart- I know every mom has different views on bringing up children , and unfortunately nobody keeps their comments and thoughts to themselves, but passes on their words of wisdom to others and pass judgement on others who act/think differently from them- anyway I am digressing, why I was upset was that I had exactly the same thought- S is too young to go to school and by forcing her to go I am making her sad. But some of the elder kids also were crying, there is another boy in her class who is 21 months old and he cries as much as S. But I think he understands that if he cries, the teacher will send him out ( he points to the door and cries and makes vomiting sounds), whereas S cries because she doesn’t really understand what is happening and why she is in a new place. We’ve started talking about her friends in school to S - 2 other girls who are in the same playgroup. One of them went into school with her one day and S was quite happy holding her hand and walking in- though she wailed as soon as I left her hand at the door. When she comes out she says “Babus babus” which is her word for children so she understands that the children are inside playing (she’s usually the first out since she’s one of the two-three most unsettled).
S has started talking quite a bit now- she repeats some things that we say, so we need to be a lot more careful of what we are saying. Some new additions are ‘boo’ for blue, ‘nahin’ for no; ‘dat’ for duck, ‘abbu’ for hurt, ‘bhaiya’ for brother, ‘bow wow’ for dog. S has also become a lot more friendly towards other people. During the weekend we had gone to a hotel for brunch and S was on her high chair. The lead singer of the band which plays there came near our table, and S saw her and started waving enthusiastically to her. So much so that the lady came over to our table and played with S for some time. After that it was bye bye to that lady continuously for the next ½ hour.
S has also become much more adventurous in the playground. At the park she climbs up the small slide steps, walks over to the bouncy bridge, walks across that, climbs up the next level, and comes sliding down the big slide. All the time I keep running behind her trying to ensure she doesn’t fall down. The other day the hubby had taken to the park and when he came back told me matter of factly that she had climbed up the spiders web on her own and come down the spiral slide- which is meant for much elder kids. I had tried to stop her from doing this the other day because she would fall quite far down if she missed a step, and was quite zapped that the hubby was so cool.

The hubby keeps insisting that we give her the same food that we are eating since I still give her only baby stuff/mashed food, so last evening I enthusiastically prepared tomato rice (a cheese, tomato, rice dish) and that took me more than an hour since I’m terrible in the kitchen, and S absolutely hated it and after I spent ½ hour convincing her to eat it and entertaining her with all sorts of distractions she proceeded to throw up the entire meal. She did enjoy the Cerelac afterwards- so that puts paid to any plans of my starting cooking anytime soon.

A terrible day 2

Today was S’ second day at school and the first day without her parents around. I dropped her off at the door at nine and she immediately started crying. The assistant teacher took her inside where the other children of her playgroup were and asked me to wait outside with the other parents. I felt extremely sad to let her go inside the school crying but they were quite insistent that parents were not allowed in and I guess she would also need to get adjusted to the place.
After some time I moved to the back of the school premises where we could hear the children from the window, but could not see them. I could hear S howling loudly, her cries much louder and longer than the others. Then the teacher came out and informed us that some children had stopped crying and some were still crying. I paced up and down from the main front door, eagerly awaiting for more information on my S and to the back of the school to listen if S was still howling. Sadly, S kept up the howling throughout and I thought my heart would break when I heard her shouting “nahin nahin (no no)” and mama and howling even more. Another mother told me to relax and this was expected, and while I had expected S to cry a bit, I surely did not think it would be for 45 mins non stop- that’s the most she’s ever howled, except the day when her first tooth came out. I also reminded the teachers to call me if S threw up, she has the habit of throwing up whenever she cries too much and I was worried about this as well.
Finally the teacher came out and said they were letting the children who were crying the most out while the others could continue outside. And who should be out first but S herself- she was sobbing while she came out and clung to me continuously after. Some other kids also came out crying loudly and their parents looked as distressed as I felt. But I believe the other kids had been ok for some time and then started crying on seeing others cry, unlike S who cried continuously. I wonder if this is because she is youngest in the class, and others may have known what to expect while she could not understand what was happening.
S was very clingy all the way home and even cried when I left for office- usually she does not do this as she is quite comfortable with the maids but I guess she was feeling insecure today after I left her in a strange room with new people. When I went back home for lunch also she clung to me and would not leave my lap even when I was eating.Keeping fingers crossed that S settles down at school and enjoys the experience. Am feeling bad for pushing her into playschool at such an early age- she is only 161/2 months old and I think most children are between 11/2 to 21/2 years of age when they go to playschool. The reason I am sending her so early is that I would prefer her to spend some time in playschool in the company of children of her age, learning new things and enjoying herself rather than being only with the maids for 9-10 hours a day. I know it is selfish of me, since I’m doing this to feel less guilty about working and being away from S, but I will not push her too much if she continues to cry/be unsettled. As of now my timeline is a week to 10 days and if things are not working out, I will seriously consider pulling her out and enrolling her for the next later batch

First day at school

Today was S’ first day at playgroup. Last week we had picked up her school kit consisting of schoolbag (with a big elephant on it), a cap and a T-shirt- which are to be worn on field trips. During the week S kept wearing the cap and walking around the house saying hat- she loves it when people are wearing hats and keeps pointing at them , so I think she was quite thrilled to have her own cap!

The first day was only for 45 mins and it was more of an orientation where we were shown the school facilities, met the teachers and the guidelines were explained by the center in charge. Both the hubby and I had gone and initially S was happy just to be sitting on her dada’s lap, watching the action on stage and drinking water from her bottle. Then another kid got onto the stage and started playing with the toys there- S suddenly got up, ran to the stage, climbed up and started playing with the toys, with the other kid. Then two more kids joined in. S seems to have become much more social after the US trip and I am keeping my fingers crossed that she enjoys the playschool and playing with other children. We saw the playroom where the children would play and the upstairs terrace which had quite a few interesting toys- cars for kids to drive, a box full of balls which you could climb into- S wanted to play in that and when we told her that it was getting late for our office she was quite reluctant to leave. There are 11 kids in her playgroup with 1 teacher, one assistant and one maid. They are all older to her and seemed quite big to me, am a bit worried that she maybe bullied by them, but I guess the teachers would be watching for that as well.

Today was a good start, the whole of this week is going to be shortened timing of only 1 hour, and am planning to wait outside. Tomorrow would be the real test, since I would have to leave her inside the playcenter and not show my face for 1 hour! Hope she takes to the new surroundings.

On a separate note, my brother and his family were over for the weekend and we really had a great time. S really likes her cousins and they can keep her entertained all the time. She sat with them and drew on paper with crayons , , played together with her toys (would not have been particularly interesting for the boys since they are much older), she watched them make paper planes and fly them, watched them bowl and so on. She even enjoyed watching Finding Nemo with them! We managed to do quite a few things- one evening was bowling , video games and one roller coaster ride for the boys at a shopping mall (S got to go on a toy train there); the next evening was rock climbing, bumper cars for the boys and small rides for S- we went to a kids complex about 1 hour drive from our house. We ate out far too much- my brother and his family are veg like me and the veg options abroad are quite limited, so they really look forward to eating out in India so we managed a Chinese meal, a South Indian meal, a Chaat meal and burgers at MacDonald (can you believe they do not have veg burgers at the Mac abroad) in two days- I must have put on at least 4 pounds!