The Herculean task of getting a US Visa

My brother is having the thread ceremony of both his sons in the US this year. We were largely undecided about going. It's in June, and A would be only 4 months then. Not sure whether we should travel with such a young baby, and also the hassles in taking two children- one at the troublesome two's stage, and the other so young. But we decided to bite the bullet and go- mainly because its such an important family event, everyone is going to be there, by brother and sis-in-law and more importantly my nephews would be upset if their bue and foofa did not show up. Also my parents would be there throughout so they could help look after the children. So we are going to SF where the hubby's sisterlives, and then to Minneapolis where the thread ceremonies are going to be held (where my second brother lives) and then onto Tampa where my first brother lives. Should be relatively easier in my brothers place since my parents would be there to help out.

Anyway getting to the story of the US visa. Once we had decided to go- about a month after A was born- the first month was pretty crazy since i fell ill, then S was very ill for some time and once things had settled down we decided to go for it. We started with the birth certificate, which got delayed since we took a long time deciding on A's name- both the hubby and I had different shortlists of names nad kept looking at new names, until we both agreed on this one. Once we had the name sorted, we quickly applied for the birth certificate and got it in a couple of days. Then we had to apply for the passport- that is a complicated affair on the internet which the hubby has figured from S' passport time, we got the date and then started the process of collecting all the documents. Since we recently moved into our new house we did not have proper address proof so we collected a variety of docs- bank statements, letter from comapny syaing we stayed in this house, letter from the chairman of the society saying we are staying there and so on. Finally, armed with these docs i went to the passport office (the hubby could not make it, so i left both the girls at home with my mom) and applied for the passport under the Tatkal scheme- we had to since the passport is usually sent by courier to the house but since i was leaving for Bangalore the same week there would be no one at home during office hours to collect the passport- under the Tatkal scheme you can opt to pick up the passport from the passport office, which is what we wanted. However getting the passport under Tatkal is slightly more complicated as you first need to get the approval of the Regional passport officer to apply under the Tatkal scheme- which is in the old passport office, then you need to go to the new passport office to submit the documents and pay the fees. Whew.. finally we managed to get the passport after a week.

Then the visa process begins. They no longer allow the child to travel on the mothers passport so you need to get a separate visa and passport for the child. Now the hubby, me and S already have US visas since we travelled to the States last years as well, but A needed a visa. Also the American consulate insists that the child be present for the visa interview regardless of the age. The plan was to apply for the visa early and book a date for the end of May, and we would return to Bombay from Bangalore a week before leaving for the US (first week of June), attend the visa interview with A in Bombay then and then leave for the US holiday immediately afterwards. But things didnt work out so easily. Firstly they dont allow you to specify a date when you are applying, you need to pay the visa fees and then go online and choose from one of the dates available. There were no dates available for the first five days, and we were trying every couple of hours. Then we started getting worried, and despite calls to VFS and mails to the US consulate requesting for a date there was no respone, other then try on the net every hour (!) So we decided to go with the first date available when we got the chance, rather than wait till end of May and be stuck with a similar situation then if dates are not available then. If we left it too late, and then dates were not available then we would really be in a soup since we had already bought the tickets, paid for the visa and also did not want to disappoint the family. I finally managed to get a date on April 17th which was also luckily a Saturday. This meant I would need to fly into Bombay with A for the visa and fly back, since there was more than a month left of my break in Bangalore. So i decided to fly alone with A on Friday evening, and leave S with my parents in Bangalore, and fly back to Bangalore the next evening. I was slightly worried about flying alone with a 2 month old (never flew alone with a child before) and also about leaving S at mom's place. But it was much easier than i expected. S is very fond of her Ajji and stayed back quite happily with my mom- though my mom had a rough night of it- S has the habit of waking up many times and kicking and shouting in the night, and the hubby and I are quite used to it so we don't wake up every time she does that, but my mom was quite surprised and had a very disturbed night. S would not let her get up early in the morning also!

On the way to Bombay, my dad came to the airport and came with me upto security check. He did the check for me and also managed to get me upgraded to Club class with his miles. after secrurity check there was a Jet airways person helping me so i was well taken care of till the flight. I managed to feed A in the baby care room before boarding so she was also in playful mood. On the flight i kept A on my lap throughout so was not able to eat/ go to the loo but since its a short flight (1 hr 20 mins) and there was no delay (lucky!) it was not that bad. The hubby picked us up and we reached home around 11 pm.

A slept at 1 am and woke up at 6 for her feed. We had to leave for the US consulate at 7:15 am so i didnt get a chance to get back to sleep after waking up at 6 - which is quite different from the pampering i get in Bangalore where my mom looks after A in the morning and i get to sleep in till about 8:30. We reached the US consulate at 8 am, gave A part of her feed (since they dont allow much into the Consulate) and then the hubby took A inside for the "interview". The hubby i must admit is better at managing the kids in such situations as i get stressed unneccesarily. A cried appropriately when standing in the queue and they allowed the hubby and her to go ahead for the interview. They asked my husband a couple of standard questions to justify the stupidity of calling a 2 month old for a visa interview, and then said the visa would be done in a couple of days. All in all the entire process took half an hour- for which i had to fly down all the way there and back.

The return flight was more tiring- i had to check in myself while carrying A, the flight was delayed by more than an hour and i had to sit in the crowded departure gate for close to 11/2 hours- had gone early so that i would avoid the rush. The flight was ok- Kingfisher Airlines is pretty considerate- they had kept the middle seat next to me empty since i was carrying a baby,so I could put A there for some time while i had my snack, and even managed to catch an episode of Friends on the TV. My mom and S were waiting for us at the airport - S was playing with the trolley and ignoring the nice toys my mom had bought for her at the airport.

In a couple of days A's passport arrived with the visa and I thought all done! But not yet..it seems a physical ticket has to be issued for A and my travel agent has now applied for it. Today i got a call from her saying that they are asking for A's height and weight (???)-doesn;t make much sense since both would change by the time we fly, but i gave it nonetheless and now keeping fingers crossed that there is no issue in the tickets.

Now for the shopping for the nephews...

Parks in Bangalore

The thing i love best about Bangalore (other than the pampering at home) is the parks. There are so many of them, and many of them are very child friendly parks. Just outside our house is a small park- won't be more than 50 ft by 100 ft but it has a walking path, a gazebo for people to sit, as well as small benches around the walking path, and a children's playground with slides, swings, monkey bars, climbing bars, roundabout- sitting and standing. Very convenient- i can just walk out of the house with S without bothering with getting an auto, carryign a wallet/mobile etc and the walk is just about 2-3 mins. Have taken A once as well, with my mom walking her around in the pram, while i played with S in the park. Also the children's play area has a library where children can go and read books, and play with toys there. S spends at least 10 mins there whenever i take her to that park.

Another park we go to frequently is KrishnaRao park. Its about a 10-15 mins drive from my place so it takes more planning and effort to get there. I usually take A also when i go there and my mom and dad walk her around the park in the pram while i take S to the playground section. The playground is amazing- there is a section for handicapped children which is accesbile by wheelchair and has riniging bells, beads to play, tubular bells and other assorted play things. There are many slides, see saws, swings- bucket for smaller kids, flat bench typefor older kids and two tyres to swing from for much older kids (i put S on that once and she was too scared to swing on it, maybe after a year), tunnels of tyres and of wire mesh, land roundabouts and air roundabouts, and this is all one section for older kids and there's another section for younger kids with similar stuff but smaller size. Wonderful. And its not even very crowded. The park itself is wonderful to walk around in, with huge trees, large ground where people are playing cricket etc. As against Bombay they dont charge for people using the parks in Bangalore, and still the crowd is relatively less (maybe because there are so many more neighbourhood parks with each park having a kids play area that people dont have to all throng to one park).
I still have to explore Lalbagh and Cubbon park and will update after seeing those!

A turns 2 today

A is 2 months old today. We made semiya (semolina) paisa (kheer) at home today to celebrate. True that A cannot have any of the kheer, but we all had it and wished A all the best. I also got a cake for S and me to eat ( i love chocolate cake and wait for any occasion to buy it!).
A is growing up so fast. She has started sleeping for 5 hours at a stretch in the night, keep fingers crossed that she does not reverse the habit as soon as i write about it! She has started responding when we talk to her with a coo or a gurgling noise, her eyes and face follow us when we move around the room, she has started smiling when we talk to her, reaching out for our chain/dupatta/hand etc
Her hair has suddenly become poker straight (like the hubby) -it used to be curly earlier, and she has already started asserting herself- she wont have a drop of milk more than she wants, either she starts howling when i try to give her more milk, or she'll keep her mouth firmly shut.
She's started being awake a lot more during the day and kicking her hands and legs vigorously about. She smiles when her elder sister touches her or talks to her, and follows her around the room with her eyes. S also has started playing somewhat with her younger sister- she pinches her cheeks calling her chubby cheeks, puts cream on her face, tries to brush her hair, tries to pick her up (at which point i have to rush in and stop her saying that she and the baby both have to be older for this), wants to change her nappy- but she draws the line at sharing her Dora doll with A and has asked me to buy another 'small' Dora doll for A!
Happy birthday dear A!

Addendum to Discplining S

My sis-in-law came to my rescue in the standoff between S and me yesterday. Despite the cold shoulder from me for over 2 hours yesterday, S refused to say sorry and i was wondering how to salvage the situation without eating humble pie and ensuring that S got the point.

I mean i did not want to give her the cold shoulder endlessly, but neither did i want her to think calling me stupid was acceptable. My sis in law had some good solutions- one was that if i was to try the ignore technique, i should set a time frame for it, saying that i would not play with S for say 1 hour and then we would chat with her about her behaviour. The other solution was that if S was being stubborn about saying sorry, then i could ask her to tell sorry in some other way- for eg give me a hug and then we resolve the situation. I finally went for this and got a big hug from S and i think she understood that she had done something wrong as she ran to my mom who had gone out for a couple of hours and said she had done something bad and mummy was angry.

Disciplining S

S has over the last few months started throwing a lot of tantrums and generally misbehaving when she doesn't get her way. I initially put it down to the fact that between December and January we shifted houses, changed her school and her baby maid stopped coming (she had been with us for a year and S was quite atatched to her). But for the last 2 months she has had her Ajji and me at her beck and call, and she is entertained every minute of the day. So i thought the tanrtums would die down without me needing to resort to any disciplinary steps, but that is not to be. Nowadays she screams if me or my mom have lunch instead of putting her to bed, or if we try to brush or her hair, and her recent peeve is that i should not feed the baby, or i should not burp the baby and i should instead put her down on the cot. Today i got really upset when S called me stupid for refucsing to stop burping the baby. And i am really at a loss on how to handle this. I tried to get S to apologise for calling me stupid but she is being very stubborn and refusing to say sorry. I dont want to give her timeout for this, i think when she says mean things she should say sorry, but however many times i have asked her to say sorry she just refuses to. I have refused to speak to her, play with her and even carry her, and she seems to understand that this is due to her bad behaviour and while that makes her upset, she still refuses to say sorry. I don't want to press the point any further (its already been an hour of the cold shoulder and its not having the impact i wanted) but I feel that if i dont make her apologise she would think she can get away with it. So what do you think, continue the cold shoulder for some time, or give her a timeout (consists of being alone in a room for 2 mins), or just forget it.

Vaccines - how much to trust the doctors?

Read a disturbing story in today's Times about how doctors are prescribing expensive vaccines without informing the mothers/fathers that there are cheaper alternative available which do the job just as well. The Government has prescribed a range of diseases for children to be vaccinated against, and there are a series of drugs available - But doctors often provide the much more expensive option since they pocket the difference which is shockingly high in many cases (refer below article). My doctor is a case in example- initially she used to tell me that she is using the more expensive injection since chance of fever for the baby is less, and i was fine with that.. Later she began using the more expensive injections without even informing that there is a choice, And while this is ok for me since the company reimburses the medical bills, it is certainly not ok for many other who cannot afford such expensive vaccines, or would probably need to forego something in order to pay for the imported vaccine without being aware that there is an alternative available.
Then there is the whole issue of additional vaccines which are not on the mandatory list but which the doctor will puch onto you saying it is good for the child-and i for one find it very difficult to say no when someone qualified as a doctor says that something is good for the child. Again the margins for the additional vaccines are very high as most of these are imported.

The main worrying thing about the vaccines though is their age/quality. Around the time S was 2 months old and many of her vaccinations were due, there were a series of reports in the newspaper about how small babies had been given old vaccines/spoilt vaccines and had died. Extremely scary. There are frequent power cuts in India and many of the vaccines need to be refrigerated, so the older they are the higher the chance of them being spoilt. So best to go to a dcotor who has lots of patients so that the drugs are rotated often and lesser chances of the drugs being old in my view

Lastly the whole question of whether to vaccinate or not? there is the problem of the child getting high fever after the vaccine (not in all cases though). Then many people believe that the child should build their own immunity for the milder diseases (pneumonia for instance) and also the vaccine does not provide protection against all strands of that particular virus (again pneumonia- the PCV only provides protection against one strain of pnemonia). My thought on this is that -should vaccinate against all major diseases, I would also try to vaccinate against the minor ones such as pneumonia where the child has a higher chance of contracting the disease ( I get chest congestion very often and very easily so would protect against this) but other minor diseases where likelihood is less and can be avoided with care I would chose not to vaccinate.


The referred article.....
Docs pocket hefty money for shots
Give Vaccines Not Recommended For Universal Immunization
Vaccines are meant to help prevent diseases. But they could also have another vital use as an alternative and significant source of income for doctors. Many vaccine manufacturers are offering vaccines at hugely reduced prices to doctors, many of whom charge the full price from patients, pocketing the difference. The greater the discount, the bigger the profit margin for the doctor. So when a doctor pushes a vaccine that is not part of the universal immunization programme, it would be difficult to decide whether he is thinking of your child’s health or his pocket. A study by Dr Rakesh Lodha of the Department of Paediatrics, AIIMS, and Dr Anurag Bhargav of Jan Swasthya Sahyog in Chhattisgarh, published in a recent issue of the Indian Journal of Medical Ethics, reveals the huge difference in the price of vaccines offered to doctors. “The percentage margin between the price to doctors and the MRP ranges from 30% to 69%, while in rupee terms, the discount over the MRP per vaccine dose ranges from Rs 85 to Rs 620,” the study says. Many vaccines require giving three or more doses and hence the profit margin could be as high as Rs 1,800 per child vaccinated. Interestingly, the vaccines being offered at hugely discounted prices to doctors are not those that are recommended for universal immunization. Such aggressive promotion is for new and expensive vaccines and combination vaccines whose use in the Indian context is “not well established in terms of epidemiological rationale or cost-benefit analysis”, says Dr Lodha. In yet another study, consultant paediatrician Dr Yash Paul from Jaipur found that the difference between the MRP and the price for doctors or chemists is very small for vaccines which are part of the National Immunisation Programme. The huge discount of Rs 500-Rs 600 is only for the newer vaccines. Dr Paul points out that doctors would be tempted to administer newer discounted vaccines which give them a huge profit margin. “If the difference between the MRP and cost to the doctors is equal or nominal, doctors may consider the comparative merits of the vaccines instead,” states Dr Paul. He cites the example of the DPT vaccine, recommended for universal immunization, which has an MRP of Rs 15.50, and given to doctors at the discounted price of Rs 12.50, a minimal difference, whereas the MRP of DaPT, a modified newer version of DPT is Rs 699 and the cost for doctors is Rs 595.

S talk

S has started chattering a lot these days. When in a good mood she chats by herself and talk ranges from nursery rhymes, to stories, to general observations on what she has been doing that day. I can't believe some of the things she says-
- I am bored of soup
- Thank you god for the tiffin, for everything
- Why did you pinch Dora, why did you pinch bottle
-Mama i want to do Babba
-Go away Suman (said to all people even if they are not named Suman)
- don't eat Ajji (my mom should not waste time eating, time which can be better used playing with S!)
- don't do meditation Ajji
-Mama, dont wear chappals in the bathroom
-wash hands now (means stop eating, wash hands and come and play with me)
-i am only putting (i want to wear my own shoes, diaper, pant, shirt etc etc)
- i am putting straightly
-Mama don't shout- i have a bad temper, and this is the only time i calm down immediately and feel quite ashamed for shouting
-Series of rhymes- Lo lo low your boat (she can't say rrr yet); little jack horner, hickory dickory dock, rock a by baby, goosie goosie gander
-some things she picked up in school- P ne khaya, R ne pakda, S ne khata, Hum sabne dekha, Bada maza aaya!!; Swallowed a peanut...
-very nice/lovely-for some food item she really likes
-put babbu in the crib
-dont feed babbu now (bit difficult to deal with this since S has started getting upset everytime i feed A)
-range of stories of how pigeon came, monkey came, lizard came and how some person picked up a broom and chased them away- courtesy Ajji's imagination during feed time
-Daddy is strong, Ajji is strong, Mummy is small (since i could not carry S during the last trimester and after the C-Sec)
Will post more as and when i recollect her little gems!