S went for her first visa interview today. My little baby is all grown up. We are planning a visit to the US in April (badly need a holiday, keeping fingers crossed since boss has still not okayed my leave-as per him, my maternity leave last year was a big holiday!!!) and the hubby and I both already have US visas. We have got a separate passport for S so needed a separate visa.
Hats off to the hubby – he did everything for her visa himself- from applying for the time slot online, to getting the DD for the visa fees made, to taking her photo (on our digicam, let me tell you getting her to stand still even for a second is a big accomplishment), to getting all the docs organized to finally taking her for the visa interview. Ajji (hubby’s mom) also accompanied them to the US consulate and patiently waited outside and then brought S back home. It seems the interview officer was a jolly guy who told S that Daddy had to go outside while she had her interview, then gave a big laugh, and then asked some questions on what Mummy does and Daddy does and Bua (hubby;s sister in the US whom we are going to meet) does and then said visa would be available tomorrow. S on her part kept looking at the dividers and saying Up! Now for the next 5 days (I cannot promise longer than that) I will not nag the hubby about not looking after S enough.
Looking forward to our US holiday. I was getting a bit apprehensive about taking S on a holiday- we plan to go to three places in the US and all far away from each other so bulk of the holiday would consist of airports and flights, and even in each place we want to travel out as much as possible- S is not used to a car seat and her meal times at home are a long drawn out affair with at least 2 peopls required and tons of entertainment- how to manage during a holiday when lunches and many dinners would have to be given outside by only Mummy (since Daddy’s patience in entertaining S and feeding her lasts all of 3 mins) and without much entertainment. But just last night I read this interesting article by a couple who love to travel and trek and how they continued to do all of that even after their baby was born. They actually took their baby for a holiday in the mountains when he was only 11/2 months and for a trek in the hills (by holding him in a front sling) when he was 5 months old, and he enjoyed it. The key is to be well prepared and I would add not be too fussy- if she has only half her meal, its ok I guess she would get hungry later. As for the plane travel, I had kept 1 year as the cut off to start doing our normal activities (movies, restaurant, pubs, travel) and including S in them, so will just have to manage the plane travel..
Monday, February 2, 2009
Are people having more babies ?
I ask this question because in the last 2 weeks I have visited 3 playschools which are already full for the June 2009 session and on which I am on the waitlist. S is not even one yet and I have no plans (as of now) to send her to playschool before she is 11/2, so I was quite relaxed about this playschool admission thing. Suddenly one day in the park I met a mom who was in Pre-natal classes with me and she asked me whether I had managed to get playschool admission for S. I was quite surprised since her son is younger than S. Anyway she had been to the top 2 playschools in my area some 3-4 times and she was on the waitlist for the June 2009 batch and informed me that only June 2010 is available now. I was quite shocked- are people in my area having a lot of babies suddenly. Secondly I would have thought you would think about these things when the child is a bit older- but looks like the new mommies are going and booking the playschools while they are still pregnant. I feel like quite the lazy unprepared mommy now! So anyway this got me in the mad rush to shortlist and get S onto a good playschool.
I first tried the one recommended by an office colleague and where a good friend had put her son. The principal of the school refused to meet me saying admissions are full. I then had to ask my colleague to speak to her and request a time for me to meet her and then she finally agreed to meet me. Now these playschools are not open on Saturdays, so I had to take time off from office in the afternoon and go and meet this lady. I liked the playschool- is in a bungalow and there is quite a bit of open space for kids to play and this lady has been running this playschool for some 30 years now. There is strict security at the gate and the teachers were sitting together and planning some activities. I was also surpised to find a batchmate of mine (from college) working as a teacher there. Anyway the principal said there was no place currently and put me on the waitlist with instructions that I should call every week and find out if any place was available.
Then I checked out the most famous playschool in the area where all the richie rich send their kids. Again no place available and will have to be on waitlist, again filled in the form and took a contact number for me to call and follow up. I also dragged the hubby there one day to check out the facilities (after we had gone to an orientation programme for another playschool) and both of us liked the place. Only problem is that they are pretty strict about the 11/2 years cut off for playschool and batches start in June and December and S would only be 1 year 4 months in June. So she will not be eligible for playschool in June and can go to Toddlers Club instead- only problem being that mommies have to accompany which is not practical since I am working. Anyway have applied and will consider if I get a call.
Then I got a lead from the mommies in the toddlers park where I try to take S at least twice a week. All of them had enrolled their kids into this playgroup which is just starting in our locality but is quite popular/famous townside. I went to check out the place but didn’t like it as much – firstly there are only 3 rooms in which the kids are to play, not much outside space to play in, secondly they were very fussy that I should fill in the detailed admission form in the office only and despite my protests that I was working and had to get back to work I could not take the form out, then they insisted that I pay the full 6 months fees in advance (and they have been following up with me twice so far on this) – bit concerned that they are so money minded. The major pluses are that I already know the mommies of 3-4 kids who would be in the same group as S and I feel that would be an advantage. Secondly they are not fussy about her age being less than 11/2 and don’t expect me to accompany her which is good since I am working. And thirdly the timings are quite good- there are two batches from 9:15-11 am and form 11:15-1p.m. The second would be convenient since she can finish her breakfast and milk in a leisurely manner and then play (she currently sleeps at this time) and then get back in time for lunch and hopefully a long nap! I still have to decide on this place, and quickly since they are following up with me on the fees payment.
Next is a concept playschool where they teach kids Indian values and learning through playing. I had heard a lot about this place from colleagues and from a friend of my husband and we decided to check it out during the orientation they had last weekend. We reached there a bit late and the place was packed!!! S would only be eligible for mother-toddler in June since they are quite strict about the age – again a problem since I am working and would have to take time out for this. We saw a couple of people from my husband’s college and my college planning to enroll their kids which suggests that this place would have kids from our background. However on our way out we met a mom who was playing with her kid in the mother-toddler and while she was very enthusiastic about the programme we didn’t like a couple of things- firstly she was playing with her daughter in the bouncy horse outside and her daughter was not interacting with any other kids – I can play with S in our house itself- we want to send her to playschool so she can interact with other kids, not for me to play with her there!! Also the mom was sounding excited about field trips where kids go on train/bus etc- but we provide a lot of new experiences to S and are really looking to the school to provide something additional that we don’t. Lastly the playschool is part of a large school and colleges campus and there are many buildings there and no separate security for the children in playschool. The hubby also noticed ( I am very bad at noticing things!!) a pile of garbage close to the children’s play area- so not very sure about the security and hygiene at this place.
And lastly (only among the playschools I visited since there are many more in our area!) is the one which I am now more inclined to send S to. It’s the only one which has an attached crèche- I had initially gone there to check out the crèche since they take babies from 6 months plus and was quite happy with the large playarea- this is a bungalow and there is a large play area outside with slides etc. However in the daycare they did not have any babies less than 11/2 –the babies had grown up and no new entrants! So I was not comfortable leaving S in a crèche where she is the only baby less than 11/2- mainly because there would be no activities for her, she would be interacting only with much bigger children and infrastructure may not be there to support only one child less than 1/12- in the sense that the maids and teachers would be more focused on the older children. I had heard good reviews about the mother toddler and that the maids even take the children in the day care to the mother-toddler but was quite disappointed to hear that I had been discontinued due to low demand. The advantages of this place were-large place for children to play, no insistence on mother being there which means I could work and also crèche so that if S becomes comfortable there I could consider leaving her there for longer periods if the need arises. The disadvantages were that security seemed lax- no one stopped us from entering at the gate, and I was a bit concerned that mother-toddler was discontinued which suggested that the place was not so popular/ people were not happy with it. Anyway this sums up my experiences with some of the playschools. Need to decide quickly….wondering if every choice regarding S is going to be so time consuming or whether I am just being very fussy…
I first tried the one recommended by an office colleague and where a good friend had put her son. The principal of the school refused to meet me saying admissions are full. I then had to ask my colleague to speak to her and request a time for me to meet her and then she finally agreed to meet me. Now these playschools are not open on Saturdays, so I had to take time off from office in the afternoon and go and meet this lady. I liked the playschool- is in a bungalow and there is quite a bit of open space for kids to play and this lady has been running this playschool for some 30 years now. There is strict security at the gate and the teachers were sitting together and planning some activities. I was also surpised to find a batchmate of mine (from college) working as a teacher there. Anyway the principal said there was no place currently and put me on the waitlist with instructions that I should call every week and find out if any place was available.
Then I checked out the most famous playschool in the area where all the richie rich send their kids. Again no place available and will have to be on waitlist, again filled in the form and took a contact number for me to call and follow up. I also dragged the hubby there one day to check out the facilities (after we had gone to an orientation programme for another playschool) and both of us liked the place. Only problem is that they are pretty strict about the 11/2 years cut off for playschool and batches start in June and December and S would only be 1 year 4 months in June. So she will not be eligible for playschool in June and can go to Toddlers Club instead- only problem being that mommies have to accompany which is not practical since I am working. Anyway have applied and will consider if I get a call.
Then I got a lead from the mommies in the toddlers park where I try to take S at least twice a week. All of them had enrolled their kids into this playgroup which is just starting in our locality but is quite popular/famous townside. I went to check out the place but didn’t like it as much – firstly there are only 3 rooms in which the kids are to play, not much outside space to play in, secondly they were very fussy that I should fill in the detailed admission form in the office only and despite my protests that I was working and had to get back to work I could not take the form out, then they insisted that I pay the full 6 months fees in advance (and they have been following up with me twice so far on this) – bit concerned that they are so money minded. The major pluses are that I already know the mommies of 3-4 kids who would be in the same group as S and I feel that would be an advantage. Secondly they are not fussy about her age being less than 11/2 and don’t expect me to accompany her which is good since I am working. And thirdly the timings are quite good- there are two batches from 9:15-11 am and form 11:15-1p.m. The second would be convenient since she can finish her breakfast and milk in a leisurely manner and then play (she currently sleeps at this time) and then get back in time for lunch and hopefully a long nap! I still have to decide on this place, and quickly since they are following up with me on the fees payment.
Next is a concept playschool where they teach kids Indian values and learning through playing. I had heard a lot about this place from colleagues and from a friend of my husband and we decided to check it out during the orientation they had last weekend. We reached there a bit late and the place was packed!!! S would only be eligible for mother-toddler in June since they are quite strict about the age – again a problem since I am working and would have to take time out for this. We saw a couple of people from my husband’s college and my college planning to enroll their kids which suggests that this place would have kids from our background. However on our way out we met a mom who was playing with her kid in the mother-toddler and while she was very enthusiastic about the programme we didn’t like a couple of things- firstly she was playing with her daughter in the bouncy horse outside and her daughter was not interacting with any other kids – I can play with S in our house itself- we want to send her to playschool so she can interact with other kids, not for me to play with her there!! Also the mom was sounding excited about field trips where kids go on train/bus etc- but we provide a lot of new experiences to S and are really looking to the school to provide something additional that we don’t. Lastly the playschool is part of a large school and colleges campus and there are many buildings there and no separate security for the children in playschool. The hubby also noticed ( I am very bad at noticing things!!) a pile of garbage close to the children’s play area- so not very sure about the security and hygiene at this place.
And lastly (only among the playschools I visited since there are many more in our area!) is the one which I am now more inclined to send S to. It’s the only one which has an attached crèche- I had initially gone there to check out the crèche since they take babies from 6 months plus and was quite happy with the large playarea- this is a bungalow and there is a large play area outside with slides etc. However in the daycare they did not have any babies less than 11/2 –the babies had grown up and no new entrants! So I was not comfortable leaving S in a crèche where she is the only baby less than 11/2- mainly because there would be no activities for her, she would be interacting only with much bigger children and infrastructure may not be there to support only one child less than 1/12- in the sense that the maids and teachers would be more focused on the older children. I had heard good reviews about the mother toddler and that the maids even take the children in the day care to the mother-toddler but was quite disappointed to hear that I had been discontinued due to low demand. The advantages of this place were-large place for children to play, no insistence on mother being there which means I could work and also crèche so that if S becomes comfortable there I could consider leaving her there for longer periods if the need arises. The disadvantages were that security seemed lax- no one stopped us from entering at the gate, and I was a bit concerned that mother-toddler was discontinued which suggested that the place was not so popular/ people were not happy with it. Anyway this sums up my experiences with some of the playschools. Need to decide quickly….wondering if every choice regarding S is going to be so time consuming or whether I am just being very fussy…
Monday, January 12, 2009
Growing up so fast
S is growing up so fast ....
Just the other day I told one of my colleagues (who asked how the baby was) that she is now a big girl and he had a good laugh given that the big girl is 11 months!! But its true, S has changed in so many ways ...
She no longer fits on my husbands legs- when S was born she used to fit exactly on hubby's lap while he was sitting down. Not the case with me since I'm a foot shorter than the hubby. Now her legs come up to my husband's neck when she's lying down
S is halfway towars being toilet trained now- the credit for this goes entirely to my mom-in-law who is with us for a month and keeps taking her to the loo every hour and asking her to pee- yesterday S took my mom-inlaw's hand and led her to the loo and then peed!!!
I can now make out when S is hungry (she starts chomping on whatever's in her hand), when S is sleepy (rubs eyes, or starts walking around in circles) or when S is generally cranky (she starts clinging to the hubby or me) as against her crying for all three things earlier
S can now walk, run, jump up and down (when she has tantrums- yes that started a week back) and even dance (her favourite song is Emotional Atyaachar- she shares my good taste in music!)..though it would be a lie to say that she used to lie peacefully earlier- she was always a very active baby and used to virgoursly move her hands and feet from day 1
S can interact with other kids now- mainly limited to pulling their ponytails, or getting whacked by soimebody's cricket bat, or trying to take a toy from someone else
S can understand a lot more- she knows the names of her favourite toys (dinky, crocodile), items in the room (sunflowers painting, picture of Lord Krishna, sun mask, coloured light), knows who her pappa/dada and her mamma, her ajji, the maids are and who S is (she points to herself when we ask who is S), what noise an aeroplane makes (she looks into the sky when she hears this), what sun and moon are....
S can express herself more- when she wants to go somewhere she will take our hand and lead us there, she knows when she is doing something naughty- she puts her finger up saying no no no and continues to do the same, she can understand nursery rhymes (her favourites are ding dong bell and ba ba black sheep), she keeps showing her photo to whoever comes to the house
S clearly has her favourites- she will eat dal rice with gusto and give so much trouble for her oatmeal, she will dance only to some songs, she will respond to only some rhymes...this must be true for every kid, but what strikes me is her consistency- if something was her favourtie yesterday, it will be her favourite today also, she will only look at her own photos while eating (my mom said i was like this as well)- the other day her Maama (my bro) gave her a picture of her cousins and she gave it back to him within a minute
S now goes on the slide (her favourite) and on the swing (not too kicked about this). She can also keep herself entertained looking at other people while the hubby and I have a coffee at CCD
S can now reach for all the troublesome things in the kitchen- the gas switch, the vessels/bottles on the ledge, open the drawer for the dustbin. We can also no longer hide most things from S- if we are eating a chocolcate she has to have some of it or we need to go to the other room and eat it...
time just flies with S now, soon she will be 1..
Here's looking at you kid
Just the other day I told one of my colleagues (who asked how the baby was) that she is now a big girl and he had a good laugh given that the big girl is 11 months!! But its true, S has changed in so many ways ...
She no longer fits on my husbands legs- when S was born she used to fit exactly on hubby's lap while he was sitting down. Not the case with me since I'm a foot shorter than the hubby. Now her legs come up to my husband's neck when she's lying down
S is halfway towars being toilet trained now- the credit for this goes entirely to my mom-in-law who is with us for a month and keeps taking her to the loo every hour and asking her to pee- yesterday S took my mom-inlaw's hand and led her to the loo and then peed!!!
I can now make out when S is hungry (she starts chomping on whatever's in her hand), when S is sleepy (rubs eyes, or starts walking around in circles) or when S is generally cranky (she starts clinging to the hubby or me) as against her crying for all three things earlier
S can now walk, run, jump up and down (when she has tantrums- yes that started a week back) and even dance (her favourite song is Emotional Atyaachar- she shares my good taste in music!)..though it would be a lie to say that she used to lie peacefully earlier- she was always a very active baby and used to virgoursly move her hands and feet from day 1
S can interact with other kids now- mainly limited to pulling their ponytails, or getting whacked by soimebody's cricket bat, or trying to take a toy from someone else
S can understand a lot more- she knows the names of her favourite toys (dinky, crocodile), items in the room (sunflowers painting, picture of Lord Krishna, sun mask, coloured light), knows who her pappa/dada and her mamma, her ajji, the maids are and who S is (she points to herself when we ask who is S), what noise an aeroplane makes (she looks into the sky when she hears this), what sun and moon are....
S can express herself more- when she wants to go somewhere she will take our hand and lead us there, she knows when she is doing something naughty- she puts her finger up saying no no no and continues to do the same, she can understand nursery rhymes (her favourites are ding dong bell and ba ba black sheep), she keeps showing her photo to whoever comes to the house
S clearly has her favourites- she will eat dal rice with gusto and give so much trouble for her oatmeal, she will dance only to some songs, she will respond to only some rhymes...this must be true for every kid, but what strikes me is her consistency- if something was her favourtie yesterday, it will be her favourite today also, she will only look at her own photos while eating (my mom said i was like this as well)- the other day her Maama (my bro) gave her a picture of her cousins and she gave it back to him within a minute
S now goes on the slide (her favourite) and on the swing (not too kicked about this). She can also keep herself entertained looking at other people while the hubby and I have a coffee at CCD
S can now reach for all the troublesome things in the kitchen- the gas switch, the vessels/bottles on the ledge, open the drawer for the dustbin. We can also no longer hide most things from S- if we are eating a chocolcate she has to have some of it or we need to go to the other room and eat it...
time just flies with S now, soon she will be 1..
Here's looking at you kid
Thursday, January 1, 2009
A hectic wedding and a good break
Just finised attending my sis-in-law's wedding. We stayed at a hotel for four days and there was a lot of travel involved but surprisingly S took it all in stride. My main worry was her eating her solids- firstly it would have to be the packaged stuff, secondly we would need to fit it in somehow between all the functions and lastly- there would be no bouncer and entertainment for her which is so essential. Further S had a bad cold and that really reduces her appetite. But somehow we managed. The hotel was helpful in giving us a high chair even in our hotel room, my mom was very hekpful during the wedding functions- she held S while i fed her and S was also obliging. We even managed to squeeze in a day long visit to temples and a relatives place after the wedding day where we had to feed S in a hotel/ in a temple room etc. WE are planning a 3 week trip to the US and I guess this would be good preparation for that.
S really enjoyed the wedding functions- the hubby put mehendi on her hands and feet while she was asleep! During the wedding S was busy rearranging the furniture in the hall- she kept pushign the chairs all around the place. She was wearing a pata-kasa given to her by her Ajji from Papa's side. The reception was more of chair pushing alongwith playing with her secnd cousins- A who is 3 years old and Sh who is 21/2. Sh kept giving her stuff to play with/eat and S was quite happy to be playing with another kid and was following her around quite a bit. All teh relatives would keep calling S to come to them, but she started this new habit of puting her head down and frowning when new people call her- very cute. If you leave her alone for some time then she takes to new people.
Anwyay now with the wedding functions over we are enjoying a five days break at my mom's place. S has taken to the home cooked food well. ITs much colder here than back home so S is bundled into sweater, shoes, pants all the time. But she is enjoying herself and keeps wandering around the much bigger hall poking her nose into every nook and cranny! As for me, I am gettting a good break.
Cheers and wishes for a Great New Year
S really enjoyed the wedding functions- the hubby put mehendi on her hands and feet while she was asleep! During the wedding S was busy rearranging the furniture in the hall- she kept pushign the chairs all around the place. She was wearing a pata-kasa given to her by her Ajji from Papa's side. The reception was more of chair pushing alongwith playing with her secnd cousins- A who is 3 years old and Sh who is 21/2. Sh kept giving her stuff to play with/eat and S was quite happy to be playing with another kid and was following her around quite a bit. All teh relatives would keep calling S to come to them, but she started this new habit of puting her head down and frowning when new people call her- very cute. If you leave her alone for some time then she takes to new people.
Anwyay now with the wedding functions over we are enjoying a five days break at my mom's place. S has taken to the home cooked food well. ITs much colder here than back home so S is bundled into sweater, shoes, pants all the time. But she is enjoying herself and keeps wandering around the much bigger hall poking her nose into every nook and cranny! As for me, I am gettting a good break.
Cheers and wishes for a Great New Year
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
What a day
Yesterday was really a very trying day. Firstly and most importantly S was unwell. She had a runny nose from day before and it got much worse yesterday. Poor S, she didn't sleep well day before night, was having difficulty breathing due to a blocked nose, and the flem problem got worse because she threw up yesterday's breakfast (three times now in 2 days that she's thrown up an entire meal). I got paranoid and insisted on giving her breakfast again myself. Secondly i as down with a bad cold so have been taking medicines continously. Then office work has really got strenous and am not sure how I am going to meet the deadlines since i'm on leave next week. Related to the week there's tons of packing to be done. And lastly, the last straw on my back- both my maids decided to quit on me- the cook and the girl who helps around the house and plays with S. They are both friends and have been ganging up on the baby maid and firing her behind my back, When I got to know about this I told them that this is unacceptable behaviour and if they have any problems with her and the way she is handling the child it needs to be escalated to me and not for them to step in. They did not like it- thought i would take their side and conspired and yesterday told me they are leaving. I was pretty upset last night-so many maids have quit, i wonder whether i am too strict or what is wrong. Furtehr the hubby is on one of his foreign jaunts and unable to help. Overall was in pretty bad shape yesterday, hope all tursn out ok
Waiting for the hols!
Now that I have started working full time (have been into office everyday, full day since Dec 15th) I can’t wait for the holidays, so that I get to spend some time with S. Otherwise the days are chok-a block , get up at 7:30 am with S, give her morning milk, then play with her till about 8:45 am, then get all S stuff ready , prepare her breakfast, give it to the maid to give S, get ready and leave for office by 9:30 am- get back at 6 pm on a good day and 7:30 pm on a bad day. Take S to park if I get back by 6, then her bath, her evening snooze (during which time I get her dinner in shape) then her night meal, a hurried dinner and pplaying with her till 10:30 p.m., then her night milk and finally sleep time at 11 pm (the only time S actually goes off to sleep without us having to vigorously rock her to sleep). Then sundry activities like boiling water, sterilizing, catching up on the days news/ surfing tv if in a bad mood etc and off to sleep at around 12 p.m. Some nights S gets up 2-3 times at night, not for a feed but general fussiness, then I have to get up, part her back to sleep, and if I am too lazy put her between me and the hubby and she will snuggle up to us and sleep. My favorite part of the day is between 6 am and 7:30 am when she has been brought to our bed and is snuggled upto us and fast asleep. Of course now with working full time I get no naps during the day so have to make do with the sleep I get at night- which is anywhere between 61/2 to 71/2 – not bad do I hear you say- I agree, but if it is disturbed 2-3 times and I don’t get back to sleep that easily, then I feel sleepy right through the day.
Anyway am on leave next week- sis-in-law is getting married plus I want to go home for some pampering. I;m really looking forward to spending time with S (though most of the time that involves running after her when she goes exploring the house-really she has an attention span of 2 mins for all her toys/books/cuddles from me etc etc); getting some sleep in the afternoon and some exercise (I have really got to lose the pregnancy flab, no excuse after 101/2 months). I need to start potty training S as well, get her hair into some shape- it stands up now!!, start talking much more to her- all things I have been putting off saying no time. I wonder how moms who donlt have support of baby maids/their mums (my mum has been here since I started working full time) manage-hats off to them.
S has become very naughty now- she has learnt how to throw things from our balcony into the downstairs balcony. She has also starting screaming if she doesn't get what she wants that particular instance. My baby is growing up!
Anyway am on leave next week- sis-in-law is getting married plus I want to go home for some pampering. I;m really looking forward to spending time with S (though most of the time that involves running after her when she goes exploring the house-really she has an attention span of 2 mins for all her toys/books/cuddles from me etc etc); getting some sleep in the afternoon and some exercise (I have really got to lose the pregnancy flab, no excuse after 101/2 months). I need to start potty training S as well, get her hair into some shape- it stands up now!!, start talking much more to her- all things I have been putting off saying no time. I wonder how moms who donlt have support of baby maids/their mums (my mum has been here since I started working full time) manage-hats off to them.
S has become very naughty now- she has learnt how to throw things from our balcony into the downstairs balcony. She has also starting screaming if she doesn't get what she wants that particular instance. My baby is growing up!
Friday, December 12, 2008
A working mom
It is with mixed feelings that I write this post. Over the last few days I have relinquished feeding S to the two maids and have just been hanging around the house to supervise them. Otherwise I try not to step in while they are feeding her, playing with her, putting her to sleep or consoling her when she’s cranky .Its really tough, especially when she’s cranky and crying – S gets bored pretty fast, her threshold for any toy including her favourite one is 2 mins and after that S wants to do something new. And the maids have a tough time keeping her entertained. Especially in the afternoon when she’s awake for about 3 hours at a stretch, and after about 1 hour of playing they have run out of new ideas, are tired (being used to a nap while she’s sleeping) and S is in no mood to go to sleep. Today for instance S got up from her morning nap only at 1:45 in the afternoon and I knew she would not go back to sleep before 4-4:30. The maids were ok with feeding and playing with her till about 3. After that she was continuously cranky, finally around 3:30 I stepped in, played with her for first time and put her to sleep.
Anyway I am meandering I am writing this post to get clear in my own mind the merits or working or being an at home mom and how best to handle the work situation.
I had been working for 8 years before S was born. I was quite career focused and was pretty confident that I would return to work post maternity leave of 6 months and S would be well looked after by a good maid. Well I turned out to be completely wrong!! Firstly after S was born I became very possessive of her and was (and still am) convinced that no one could look after her as well as I could. That took care of getting a maid to look after her situation. Also compounded by the fact that I could not find a good maid whom I could trust to look after her in my absence. This got me to thinking on what I should do, whether I should get back to work or not, when etc etc and these are the thoughts I had
Pros of working
Have been working now for 8 years and frankly not sure how I would pass my time at home if not working, I don’t have any hobbies, or a friends circle to meet up with during the weekdays and once S and her siblings (hopefully in the plural) become big and go to school full day what would I do?
We have got used to the financial freedom and privileges of a dual income. While we would have a pretty decent lifestyle on hubby’s salary alone, we would have to think twice about our foreign holidays, dinners out, splurge shopping and holidays home –something we have been used to for some time now. Luckily our home loan is more or less paid off, so I am not bound to work, but we want to secure our children’s future and make sure they are very comfortably off which would be easier if I continue to work for some more time as well (especially since I am currently in a high paying job)
Thirdly, and this is not the most important factor in my mind, but I have studied very hard (getting into one of the best management institutes) and also at my job to get to where I am. If I take off for some time am not sure I would get back to my current level, and would that be a waste of my education?
However in my mind the negatives far outweigh the positives, being ….
Looking after the baby: My in laws and my parents don’t stay in the same city as me, and neither are there any close relatives here. The option on expiry of maternity leave would be to leave S (at 6 months) either at a crèche, or with a trusted maid at home. I tried to find out about crèches but they are not so popular here since most working women have in laws or parents in the same city. I could find only one crèche which accepts 6 months + babies and was not very happy with it. They have a small dingy room for < 1 year babies which mattresses on the floor and a 2:1 maid to child ratio (not too bad). However the room is very small and outside there are older kids running around so don’t think the smaller babies would be let out to that area. To keep S confined in one room for 8-10 hours is pretty unfair, especially when I have tried to take her to the park for a stroll everyday since she was 2 months old!! Anyway I booked the crèche as a last option and decided to try out the maid situation. From month 4 itself I was looking for good maids – but I was just not getting anyone good- we must have gone through some 6-7 maids- some of them pretended to be ill and left the same day, one had a husband having a heart attack (who btw had left her years ago we were made to understand earlier) while another had a close relative passing away (a different topic is why can’t maids just say they don’t want to work with us , we are not going to force anyone to stay back, instead of lying about other people’s well being) while we ourselves were not happy with a couple of them. So literally just as I was settling with one maid some problem would come up and we would have to start the search for someone new. In summary unable to find a good maid to leave S with, and also me not having the trust in them to look after S well
Upbringing of the child :Here I differentiate between looking after the baby physically to bringing up a child, where you play with the child, engage with them to make them understand the world around them and keep them mentally stimulated. This I think a maid just cannot do -I have now left S with the maids (though I am at home) for about a week and the hubby and I have noticed that S is unhappy with them. They are able to feed her (thank God or that would be a major concern)- in fact faster than me (don’t know why she plays up so much with me); put her to sleep and play with her for some time, but she gets bored with them very fast and they are not able to think of new things to engage her. I don’t mind whatever language they speak to her in, but they should talk intelligent and interesting things which unfortunately they don’t. So what typically happens is after about 10 mins of playing with them S will come running to me or the hubby (he also takes a day off every week to stay with S so I can go into work) and will refuse to go back to them. I don’t blame the maids- if they are not able to engage the child, they are not, as parents we will always be best able to play and educate our child. I only worry what would happen if S is left the whole day with them- will she become depressed, will she be cranky and clingy when I get home (I know a girl who stopped working since the child would be crying as soon as she got home and would cling to her, but another girl who continued to work saying the child was otherwise happy but only clingy when she got back), or will it be worse and affect her overall upbringing. I also heard that the first 2 years are the most important in the brain development of the child- do you want to leave them with a maid at that time? I agree with this, I have seen that S has started talking/babbling more when she is with my mother or mother in law who talk to her and tell her stories- the only thing she has picked up is Ka a short form for kawua (crow)
Spending time with S – The time I spend at work would be time not spent with S. Why would I want to miss out on her first steps, her first Mama, her squeals of delight while playing and exploring new things, time at the park, cuddly time before sleeping- again a tough choice…is my temperament suited to staying at home and spending all my time with her, or would I be a better mother if I went to work and spent quality time with S
Anyway all these issues and thoughts and what are the options really to strike a balance between the pros and the negatives?
Options
Work from home – to my mind this is the ideal one. I don’t have a business generating/client facing role and having largely a desk job can work quite effectively from home. I would definetly need help to look after the baby as I’m supposed to be working, but I would be able to a) sneak in some time to take S to the park/play with her for sometime during the day which would not be possible if I was working from office full time and more importantly b)I could oversee the maids who look after S so that I know she is beign well looked after. The main problem with this is that my office does not have a work from home policy so my boss had to get a deviation approved from me. Also I had asked for 6 months work from home, but boss finally agreed to 3 months with rollover (if all ok ) for another 3 months. Anyway I am not at a stage to argue so will take what I get. The other problem linked to the office not having a work from home policy is that the system is not geared to handle it- people keep having conference calls at short notices, I get requests to come into office urgently (I can’t do that since I didn’t have the setup for maids to independtly look after S till very recently), people want to have long discussions which are best done face to face, my whole team is in office and everytime they meet to discuss they have to dial me in (I think they can adjust this much, but obviously others don’t always share my view) and of course the jibes from others- oh how long is your extended holiday, when do you actually plan to get back to work- I am quite insensitive to these now, if I have to get what I want (getting to stay at home with S and still have a career) I can put up with some stupid people’s comments.
Send S to parents – the other option is to send S to my parents place till she is big enough to come back here and go to a crèche- maybe till she is 1 year 2 months or so. One of my colleagues actually did this- either her mom was staying with her or she sent her daughter to her mom’s place till she was 1 year old. I am not so keen on this because a) it is too much responsibility on my parents and w0uld restrict their lifestyle- they keep traveling and if they had to look after S full time they would not be able to travel and b) I want to be part of S growing up through all the stages- I feel strongly and maybe many others don’t share this view, but you should be responsible for and an integral part of your child growing up- how can you miss out on the first steps, the first words , the first tantrums (yes that has started today, let me record the date December 12th) –soon they will grow up and be independent and then you will wonder where the time went.
Work from parents city- the other option which occurs to me from time to time is to take a temporary transfer at work to my mum’s city. Earlier our team was spread out over the country, and I think my boss would be ok for this on a temporary basis, but the main reason I am not keen on this is that I don’t want the hubby to miss out on S growing up. I was anyway at my mum’s place for 3 months from the time S was 11/2 months to 41/2 months, but now S is much bigger and she does new things everyday which I don’t want the hubby to miss out on, also she enjoys playing with him. Of course when I am in a bad mood, after fighting with the hubby I threaten to move to my mom’s place temporarily (quite childish of me)
Convince in laws to move to our city- to my mind this would be an ideal option. A lot of my friends are quite surprised at this- how will you get along with your in-laws, you are so fussy about S won’t you fight with them about how to bring her up. My main argument is, ultimately I will have to get back to work full time, and then the option is for S to go to a crèche or to be looked after at home by maids. I don’t have control over what the maids do behind my back, and definetly no control over what happens at the crèche. And I am sure my mom-in-law would do a far better job of bringing up S than any crèche /maids. So I am willing to let go control and bite my tongue and request them to move to our city so that S is well looked after. Also my in laws would stay in a different flat so we would not cramp each others style.
Anyway I was not lucky enough to be able to convince the in-laws to move here. And my boss ultimately did not agree to rollover my work from home-can’t blame him, the credit crisis has made our job quite stressful and he needs to have daily updates from the team which becomes slightly difficult to accommodate me on the phone every time. However he didn’t say you have to come to work everyday, he said try to come in as much as possible (I know that means everyday). So I am currently going into office whenever I can, have requested mom-in law and mom to come for 1 month each in Jan and Feb till S is 1 year 1 month and plan to put her in daycare for ½ day and maid looking after her ½ day post that. Keep fingers crossed!!
Anyway I am meandering I am writing this post to get clear in my own mind the merits or working or being an at home mom and how best to handle the work situation.
I had been working for 8 years before S was born. I was quite career focused and was pretty confident that I would return to work post maternity leave of 6 months and S would be well looked after by a good maid. Well I turned out to be completely wrong!! Firstly after S was born I became very possessive of her and was (and still am) convinced that no one could look after her as well as I could. That took care of getting a maid to look after her situation. Also compounded by the fact that I could not find a good maid whom I could trust to look after her in my absence. This got me to thinking on what I should do, whether I should get back to work or not, when etc etc and these are the thoughts I had
Pros of working
Have been working now for 8 years and frankly not sure how I would pass my time at home if not working, I don’t have any hobbies, or a friends circle to meet up with during the weekdays and once S and her siblings (hopefully in the plural) become big and go to school full day what would I do?
We have got used to the financial freedom and privileges of a dual income. While we would have a pretty decent lifestyle on hubby’s salary alone, we would have to think twice about our foreign holidays, dinners out, splurge shopping and holidays home –something we have been used to for some time now. Luckily our home loan is more or less paid off, so I am not bound to work, but we want to secure our children’s future and make sure they are very comfortably off which would be easier if I continue to work for some more time as well (especially since I am currently in a high paying job)
Thirdly, and this is not the most important factor in my mind, but I have studied very hard (getting into one of the best management institutes) and also at my job to get to where I am. If I take off for some time am not sure I would get back to my current level, and would that be a waste of my education?
However in my mind the negatives far outweigh the positives, being ….
Looking after the baby: My in laws and my parents don’t stay in the same city as me, and neither are there any close relatives here. The option on expiry of maternity leave would be to leave S (at 6 months) either at a crèche, or with a trusted maid at home. I tried to find out about crèches but they are not so popular here since most working women have in laws or parents in the same city. I could find only one crèche which accepts 6 months + babies and was not very happy with it. They have a small dingy room for < 1 year babies which mattresses on the floor and a 2:1 maid to child ratio (not too bad). However the room is very small and outside there are older kids running around so don’t think the smaller babies would be let out to that area. To keep S confined in one room for 8-10 hours is pretty unfair, especially when I have tried to take her to the park for a stroll everyday since she was 2 months old!! Anyway I booked the crèche as a last option and decided to try out the maid situation. From month 4 itself I was looking for good maids – but I was just not getting anyone good- we must have gone through some 6-7 maids- some of them pretended to be ill and left the same day, one had a husband having a heart attack (who btw had left her years ago we were made to understand earlier) while another had a close relative passing away (a different topic is why can’t maids just say they don’t want to work with us , we are not going to force anyone to stay back, instead of lying about other people’s well being) while we ourselves were not happy with a couple of them. So literally just as I was settling with one maid some problem would come up and we would have to start the search for someone new. In summary unable to find a good maid to leave S with, and also me not having the trust in them to look after S well
Upbringing of the child :Here I differentiate between looking after the baby physically to bringing up a child, where you play with the child, engage with them to make them understand the world around them and keep them mentally stimulated. This I think a maid just cannot do -I have now left S with the maids (though I am at home) for about a week and the hubby and I have noticed that S is unhappy with them. They are able to feed her (thank God or that would be a major concern)- in fact faster than me (don’t know why she plays up so much with me); put her to sleep and play with her for some time, but she gets bored with them very fast and they are not able to think of new things to engage her. I don’t mind whatever language they speak to her in, but they should talk intelligent and interesting things which unfortunately they don’t. So what typically happens is after about 10 mins of playing with them S will come running to me or the hubby (he also takes a day off every week to stay with S so I can go into work) and will refuse to go back to them. I don’t blame the maids- if they are not able to engage the child, they are not, as parents we will always be best able to play and educate our child. I only worry what would happen if S is left the whole day with them- will she become depressed, will she be cranky and clingy when I get home (I know a girl who stopped working since the child would be crying as soon as she got home and would cling to her, but another girl who continued to work saying the child was otherwise happy but only clingy when she got back), or will it be worse and affect her overall upbringing. I also heard that the first 2 years are the most important in the brain development of the child- do you want to leave them with a maid at that time? I agree with this, I have seen that S has started talking/babbling more when she is with my mother or mother in law who talk to her and tell her stories- the only thing she has picked up is Ka a short form for kawua (crow)
Spending time with S – The time I spend at work would be time not spent with S. Why would I want to miss out on her first steps, her first Mama, her squeals of delight while playing and exploring new things, time at the park, cuddly time before sleeping- again a tough choice…is my temperament suited to staying at home and spending all my time with her, or would I be a better mother if I went to work and spent quality time with S
Anyway all these issues and thoughts and what are the options really to strike a balance between the pros and the negatives?
Options
Work from home – to my mind this is the ideal one. I don’t have a business generating/client facing role and having largely a desk job can work quite effectively from home. I would definetly need help to look after the baby as I’m supposed to be working, but I would be able to a) sneak in some time to take S to the park/play with her for sometime during the day which would not be possible if I was working from office full time and more importantly b)I could oversee the maids who look after S so that I know she is beign well looked after. The main problem with this is that my office does not have a work from home policy so my boss had to get a deviation approved from me. Also I had asked for 6 months work from home, but boss finally agreed to 3 months with rollover (if all ok ) for another 3 months. Anyway I am not at a stage to argue so will take what I get. The other problem linked to the office not having a work from home policy is that the system is not geared to handle it- people keep having conference calls at short notices, I get requests to come into office urgently (I can’t do that since I didn’t have the setup for maids to independtly look after S till very recently), people want to have long discussions which are best done face to face, my whole team is in office and everytime they meet to discuss they have to dial me in (I think they can adjust this much, but obviously others don’t always share my view) and of course the jibes from others- oh how long is your extended holiday, when do you actually plan to get back to work- I am quite insensitive to these now, if I have to get what I want (getting to stay at home with S and still have a career) I can put up with some stupid people’s comments.
Send S to parents – the other option is to send S to my parents place till she is big enough to come back here and go to a crèche- maybe till she is 1 year 2 months or so. One of my colleagues actually did this- either her mom was staying with her or she sent her daughter to her mom’s place till she was 1 year old. I am not so keen on this because a) it is too much responsibility on my parents and w0uld restrict their lifestyle- they keep traveling and if they had to look after S full time they would not be able to travel and b) I want to be part of S growing up through all the stages- I feel strongly and maybe many others don’t share this view, but you should be responsible for and an integral part of your child growing up- how can you miss out on the first steps, the first words , the first tantrums (yes that has started today, let me record the date December 12th) –soon they will grow up and be independent and then you will wonder where the time went.
Work from parents city- the other option which occurs to me from time to time is to take a temporary transfer at work to my mum’s city. Earlier our team was spread out over the country, and I think my boss would be ok for this on a temporary basis, but the main reason I am not keen on this is that I don’t want the hubby to miss out on S growing up. I was anyway at my mum’s place for 3 months from the time S was 11/2 months to 41/2 months, but now S is much bigger and she does new things everyday which I don’t want the hubby to miss out on, also she enjoys playing with him. Of course when I am in a bad mood, after fighting with the hubby I threaten to move to my mom’s place temporarily (quite childish of me)
Convince in laws to move to our city- to my mind this would be an ideal option. A lot of my friends are quite surprised at this- how will you get along with your in-laws, you are so fussy about S won’t you fight with them about how to bring her up. My main argument is, ultimately I will have to get back to work full time, and then the option is for S to go to a crèche or to be looked after at home by maids. I don’t have control over what the maids do behind my back, and definetly no control over what happens at the crèche. And I am sure my mom-in-law would do a far better job of bringing up S than any crèche /maids. So I am willing to let go control and bite my tongue and request them to move to our city so that S is well looked after. Also my in laws would stay in a different flat so we would not cramp each others style.
Anyway I was not lucky enough to be able to convince the in-laws to move here. And my boss ultimately did not agree to rollover my work from home-can’t blame him, the credit crisis has made our job quite stressful and he needs to have daily updates from the team which becomes slightly difficult to accommodate me on the phone every time. However he didn’t say you have to come to work everyday, he said try to come in as much as possible (I know that means everyday). So I am currently going into office whenever I can, have requested mom-in law and mom to come for 1 month each in Jan and Feb till S is 1 year 1 month and plan to put her in daycare for ½ day and maid looking after her ½ day post that. Keep fingers crossed!!
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